‘Star Wars’: Obama White House says no to Death Star petition

Jan. 12, 2013 | 7:30 a.m.
The Obama Administration responded to a petition for the government to build a Death Star. (Lucasfilm)

The Obama administration has responded to a petition for the government to build a Death Star. (Lucasfilm)

Whether you voted for Barack Obama or Mitt Romney, it’s good to know the president isn’t a Sith Lord.

After more than 34,000 people petitioned the White House to “secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016,” the White House released an official statement cleverly titled “This Isn’t the Petition Response You’re Looking For,” rejecting Darth Vader’s weapon of choice.

“The Administration does not support blowing up planets,” wrote Paul Shawcross, chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget. “Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?”

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The response also rebuffs the petitioners’ notion that a Death Star would be a smart economic move; any job creation the Death Star spurs would be undermined by its $850-quadrillion ($850,000,000,000,000,000) price tag.

The statement goes on to tout the International Space Station, NASA and its Commercial Crew and Cargo Program Office (C3PO), and a new telescope that will be more powerful than the Hubble.

“Even though the United States doesn’t have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, we’ve got two spacecraft leaving the solar system and we’re building a probe that will fly to the exterior layers of the Sun,” the response states. “We don’t have a Death Star, but we do have floating robot assistants on the Space Station, a President who knows his way around a light saber and advanced (marshmallow) cannon, and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, which is supporting research on building Luke’s arm, floating droids, and quadruped walkers.”

Shawcross ends the petition response with a recruiting message.

“If you do pursue a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field, the Force will be with us!” the statement concludes. “Remember, the Death Star’s power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force.”

– Noelene Clark
Twitter.com/@NoeleneClark

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Comments


22 Responses to ‘Star Wars’: Obama White House says no to Death Star petition

  1. Guest says:

    Awww, why not? You could just 'mint' a coin to cover the cost!

    • Rich says:

      Interesting that people contrast the 'job creation" to the "cost" of something as though that money disappears into space. That money goes to people, either in payment for a job or as dividends which fund things like people's retirement. It's Econ 101 folks.

    • readdyeddy says:

      the death star would be great! especially the upcoming of the asteroid… get the death star by then, and by the time it gets within shooting range, split it into parts, orbit around other planets. Get close to it, then mine those minerals, come back to earth. And that will start the economy going again, assuming the economy went into a depression again.

  2. chuck says:

    I wonder what the ratio of relevant questions being asked is to "how do we get our very own Death Star" and "how do we get rid of Piers Morgan" questions. Curious how much this new service is costing us to answer these questions.

  3. WIliie says:

    A nice break from the usual drivel coming out of Washington.

  4. charles says:

    Yeah, but overly sarcastic. These people could of been serious and just have high expectations unlike our government.

    • Steve says:

      I, for one, am glad the expectations of our government don't include having a fantasy weapon to destroy planets, just because it would be, you know, cooool.

  5. @VATVSLPR says:

    But the Death Star was not Vader's favorite weapon. He criticized it, saying the power to destroy a planet was nothing compared to the power of the force. I'd expect Hero Complex to know that.

  6. Mike says:

    Just start a kickstarter. Seem to be working for alot of people.

  7. wlloyd019 says:

    Disappointing, I'm pretty sure Romney would have been game for this.

    • Mark says:

      Only if he could make some millions off of it in investments. Wonder which country would get to supply the Wookie slave labor to build this? China? NK?

  8. John W. says:

    What is this garbage? What happened to our beloved Hero Complex? They should now call this site "Heinous Complete." The new HC is like what Rick Berman did to Gene Roddenberry's Star Trek franchise after Gene died. Ruined it.

    HC founder Geoff Boucher has created a new fan site for Entertainment Weekly called Capetown. Follow me…

  9. Bob S says:

    Any response in detail on subjects like this by the Whitehouse only shows how mature the administration is in relation to serious subject issues.

  10. Guest says:

    Seriously. Now, I know many of the people have lost their marbles of recent years but come on, seriously!

  11. Robert Moriyama says:

    The Bush White House would have had the petitioners placed on a watch list for having access to top secret plans (under development by a black lab operated by Halliburton).

  12. Field says:

    Epically comical. However, the HAARP is just as bad as a Death Star.

  13. Chaz says:

    What Halliburton expects from their black lab is their own business, provided there is no cruelty involved with their training regimen.That being said, I doubt it would work. Its a fairly intelligent breed, but I don't think even a team of border collies could design a space station.

  14. Steve Jr. says:

    Strategic Defense Initiative Organization – Look it up. While this will become misconstrued as banter, I am the son of a man that worked on maybe even still does the not so public persona of this program. Funded as third party defense contracting programs like this and many more are in the works hidden by corporate privacy acts. The Obama administration doesn’t want to fund this, because it already exists….

  15. Jason Palpatine says:

    HE left out one critical detail in his response. The amount of raw materials need to build a Death Star would necessitate the Earth's destruction — the planet would have to be torn apart to get the materials needed to build it.

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