‘Star Wars’: Patton Oswalt reveals his dream plot for ‘Episode VII’

April 17, 2013 | 1:35 p.m.

Leave it to comedy genius Patton Oswalt to figure out a way to bring Tony Stark into the “Star Wars” universe.

The actor is set for a guest-star spot on the NBC comedy “Parks and Recreation” this week, playing a character who appears at a Pawnee City Council meeting to filibuster a vote.

Oswalt apparently launched into an eight-minute improvisational speech about his ideas for the upcoming “Star Wars: Episode VII,” and they are appropriately cosmic in scope.

His vision begins with Brian DePalma being tapped to write the introductory credit scroll (as he did for “Star Wars: Episode IV — A New Hope,” Oswalt points out) and in minutes, he’s managed to resurrect Boba Fett and rope in some prominent Marvel characters. By no means is that an easy feat.

It’s a grand masterpiece of a tapestry Oswalt’s woven together, though it’s highly unlikely this is exactly what fans will see when J.J. Abrams’ “Star Wars” film opens in theaters in 2015.

georgelucas Star Wars: Patton Oswalt reveals his dream plot for Episode VII

There are few film franchises that can claim to have affected pop culture as profoundly as "Star Wars," the brainchild of George Lucas. A new "Star Wars" trilogy is destined for theaters, but here's a look back at the franchise's big-screen offerings over the years. Click through the gallery. (Chris Pizzello / Associated Press)

star wars Star Wars: Patton Oswalt reveals his dream plot for Episode VII

"Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope" (1977)
On the day "Star Wars" thundered into theaters on May 25, 1977, the film's producer Gary Kurtz appeared on a radio call-in show. Kurtz recalled: "This guy, this caller, was really enthusiastic and talking about the movie in really deep detail. ... I said, 'You know a lot abut the film.' He said, 'Yeah, yeah, I've seen it four times already.' And that was opening day. I knew something was happening." (Lucasfilm)

empirestrikesback Star Wars: Patton Oswalt reveals his dream plot for Episode VII

"Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back" (1980)
The second "Star Wars" film, the most critically revered film in the franchise, was directed by Irvin Kershner. "I really knocked myself out," Kershner said. "I was able to go deeper into the characterization. I was doing the second act of a three-act play, or the second movement of a symphony. That's always the slower movement. I could not have a grand climax, I had to leave things ambiguous. My big climax came at the beginning of the film, with the battle in the snow, then I told the story of the people." (Lucasfilm)

returnofthejedi Star Wars: Patton Oswalt reveals his dream plot for Episode VII

"Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi" (1983)
The original series came to a close with "Return of the Jedi" -- a welcome ending for Lucas, who said at the time, "There hasn't really been one day in the last 10 years that I haven't had to wake up in the morning and say, 'God, I've got to worry about this movie. ... If I had to do it all over again, I'd have to think about it, especially if I knew what I was going to have to give up in order to get it."

star wars menace1 Star Wars: Patton Oswalt reveals his dream plot for Episode VII

"Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace" (1999)
Sixteen years after the original trilogy wrapped up, "The Phantom Menace" began a new prequel trilogy based on Darth Vader's origin story. "Phantom Menace," which introduced new characters like Darth Maul (above right) and the much-maligned Jar Jar Binks, marked the first time a fully digital movie was shown to the public. It was the only "Star Wars" film to earn more than $1 billion at the box office. (Lucasfilm)

attackoftheclones Star Wars: Patton Oswalt reveals his dream plot for Episode VII

"Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones" (2002)
Anakin Skywalker's transformation from a precocious, pod-racing kid to the ultimate villain Darth Vader continued in "Attack of the Clones," in which Hayden Christensen portrayed the sullen young Jedi, and Natalie Portman played his lady-love, Padme. (Lucasfilm)

revengeofthesith2 Star Wars: Patton Oswalt reveals his dream plot for Episode VII

"Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith" (2005)
"Revenge of the Sith" opened 28 years after the original "Star Wars" and was the first to receive a PG-13 rating, due to several violent scenes as Anakin turns to the Dark Side. "I had to turn him into a monster," Lucas said at the time. "It's a tough story. You can't make a guy evil without having him do evil things." (Lucasfilm)

clonewars Star Wars: Patton Oswalt reveals his dream plot for Episode VII

"Star Wars: The Clone Wars" (2008)
The Star Wars universe found its way to the big screen again in 2008, albeit in animated form. "The Clone Wars" centered on the wartime tales of Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi and featured Padme Amidala, Mace Windu, Count Dooku and other characters from the prequel trilogy. The film paved the way for the award-winning cartoon series of the same name. "I am amazed at how it continues," Lucas said at the time. "It’s not something I expected to happen, and not something we spend a lot of time thinking about trying to expand. This was created because I wanted to stimulate kids' imaginations, inspire them to be creative and to think outside the box." (Lucasfilm)

Do you have your own ideas about what should transpire in “Episode VII?” Feel free to leave them in the comments section below.

— Gina McIntyre

Follow us on Twitter: @LATHeroComplex


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26 Responses to ‘Star Wars’: Patton Oswalt reveals his dream plot for ‘Episode VII’

  1. Adam says:

    Moon Knight – first tier. Oswalt, you kidder.

  2. Balabanto says:

    Star Wars VII: A Crack in the Force

    Thunder on the Outer Rim! On the remote asteroid field Thakolan, a sinister group of Empire Sympathizers prepares their revenge against the New Republic, with potentially devastating consequences. Seeking to drive a wedge between the New Jedi Council, led by Luke Skywalker and the government of the Republic, the forces of the Sith rise anew to menace the people of the Galaxy…

    Star Wars VIII: The Two Republics

    In the wake of the assault on the Republic, the Sith are defeated, but questions remain behind about who might have aided or helped them. The Jedi are split into two groups, those who believe in the old ideals and those who insist on being more proactive! The government of the Republic begins to take sides, and as factionalism takes root, a new danger rises from within! With every counsel of Luke Skywalker against decisive action too soon, a deadly plot arises from within the Jedi's own ranks, claiming to be for the good of the people. Will the Dark Side take root in one or both of these bands of heroes?

    Star Wars IX: War of the Jedi

    Schism in the New Republic! With the death of Luke Skywalker, each side blames the other for the root cause! A civil war erupts between the Jedi themselves, as a small group of Jedi, untouched by the chaos, struggle to put an end to hostilities? Will the Republic end with the rise of a new Empire? Who will turn to the Dark Side and who will be saved? Can the Republic and the Jedi survive?

    • John W. says:

      Very detailed, but just like the first three prequels virtually nothing about individual characters — the thing missing from Eps 1 through 3 and the very thing that made us love Eps 4 through 6 so much. People keep forgetting Star Wars is really about characters on an adventure of a lifetime, not the large-scale political/military set dressing

  3. Eddie McElhaney says:

    I think that in Episode VII, Luke should become Queen and adopt a Margaret Thatcher persona, with Han Solo playing the role of Reagan and Luke being Edward Teller. The Force can metamorph into something resembling intergalactic capitalism and the Ewoks can become truly illegal aliens.

  4. @WiselinePRT says:

    A lot of people get Coppola and DePalma mixed up. #NotReally

  5. Erik A. Williams says:

    Thanks for the great article Gina! I was privileged enough to witness this amazing speech in person as I am one of the council members. (You can see me just to the left of Patton in a navy blue pin-stripe suit.)

  6. ifdef says:

    Star Wars is doomed. Nothing can save it. It was dead the minute they signed J. J. Abrams to direct the new episode(s). He will utterly destroy the Star Wars franchise, just as he destroyed Star Trek.

  7. Gina here, owning up to an embarrassing mistake. In the original draft of this post, I switched up Francis Ford Coppola and Brian DePalma. No excuse other than typing way too fast with a headache today. Sorry everyone.

  8. @cetialpha5 says:

    It's as if millions of geeks suddenly cried out with joy and were suddenly silenced.

  9. Nick says:

    JJ Abrams should totally hire Patton Oswalt to play an Ewok.

  10. detrich says:

    Would love to see Ahsoka Tano come back in a big way, as well as stories about other Jedi that eluded the Empire's order 66…

  11. Jedidave says:

    Make it a race to find or rescue a list of hidden Jedi kids across the galaxy before they are hunted down by disgruntled ex Empire or before they can be trained properly and decide to use their powers to do evil.
    Also their is a cult emerging dedicated to Vader. The followers of which are fasinated by the Vader legend , which is now against the law to discuss. One of the freaks has managed to get hold of vaders chopped off hand.
    A load of people frozen in carbonite are rescued by well meaning Alliance, young Jedis from a gangster or Hutt and are defrosted. One of them is Darth Maul.

    • Brandon says:

      The only problem with that is it implies that freezing beings in carbonite was common practice. It was completely experimental in Empire. Vader wanted to try freezing Luke to take him to the Emperor. The only reason they froze Han was to test the process.

      • Jedidave says:

        True, or you could have something similar to Alien 2.
        Someone on a Hoth type ice planet looking for mining possibilities or whatever. Decides to leave as nothing there, but then picks up a faint heart rate. Maul-who you don't see or know is Maul at this point– is buried and frozen in thick ice. Rescuer finds him and is taken back to the ship in the ice. As he is being defrosted back on the ship, the rescuer is sleeping, you slowly pan up the melting ice block and finally see who it is for the first time. Camera stops on Darth Maul's face, then his eyes burst wide open. End.

        That could be a set up for a spin off film featuring Darth Maul and possibly Obi Wan. During which you find out how he ended up frozen or hiding in the ice.

    • Space Smuggler says:

      How can anyone retrieve Vader's chopped off hand, since it has been destroyed…totally blown away inside the 2nd Death Star. Luke's was lost in Cloud City, not Vader's.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Please for the love of god leave Marvel character out of Star Wars. Bringing back Boba Fett would be a good idea since you didn't see much of him in episodes 4-6, but they have to do it correctly. But Marvel characters? Honestly? Please try not to ruin the series with episodes 7-9

  13. Maro says:

    Correction, Boba Fett didn't die in episode 6 so there's no need to resurrect him. He made it through the Yuuzhan Vong War and the Civil War against Jacen Solo/Darth Caedus.

    • Billy Rigby says:

      He even trained Jania to kill her brother… Much love for the Fett!!! (I kind of thought he was lame in the movies though…lol)

  14. Tails says:

    can someone throw this on youtube, cant watch it in australia.

    thanks :)

  15. cooldude1 says:

    That is a very cool and intresting idea for the next star wars episode VII.

  16. anonimous says:

    this is very wierd i dont think that this should be a movie especially since its jumping realities it makes no sense what so ever and chewie would look extremely horrifying with a fully robotic body.
    seriously disney wtf

  17. jack says:

    The Thrawn Trilogy. nothing else will do.

    I fear the new movies will just be a cosmic version of the Vampire Diaries…

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