Batman’s best tweets: ‘Watch out criminal scum, I’m trying to kick caffeine again…’

June 30, 2010 | 10:33 p.m.

Even if you’ve been living in a cave, you probably already know that one of the best superhero Twitter accounts these days originates from stately Wayne manor outside the city limits of grim Gotham City. Here are some of the best Bat-tweets in recent weeks from Batman’s Twitter.

Frank Miller Batman

 

Hey Pattinson, lessons on real brooding: 1. Comb your hair down, you look retarded. 2. Watch your parents get murdered. 3. Get a cape.

Hey iPhone developers. Can we get crackin on the “Solving Lame Riddles” app already? Thaaaaanks.

I believe in Harvey Dent. I believe he’s a crappier villain than he was a D.A. And that’s saying something.

Batman by Jim Lee

Watch out criminal scum, I’m trying to kick caffeine again. And we all remembered what happened last time, don’t we? DON’T WE!!!

Yeah, my parents are dead. What’s that you were saying about hating Mondays?

You know what gives crime a concussion at 127 decibels? A Vuvuzela batarang. Sometimes bat-gadgets just invent themselves.

I brush my teeth with JUSTICE and floss with PAIN.

We’ll miss you, Jack Bauer. If you ever come out of exile, I’ve got a pair of green ankle shoes and a yellow cape waiting.

I am Vengeance. I am the Night. I am mildly lactose intolerant.

One year ago today Michael Jackson died. In memory, I listened to “Thriller” while breaking a pedophile’s legs. Rest in Peace, Jacko.

What do I call my iPhone? The BATiPhone? The iBatPhone? These are the things that keep me up at night. Well that and the face punching.

Memorial Day. Thinking about barbecuing on the beach. Alone. At night. Using nightvision. I’m awesome.

For the last time Alfred, they’re NOT TIGHTS! They’re DUAL DENSITY CARBON-FIBER LEGGINGS! And yes, please have them washed.

Finally destroyed Robin’s iPod. It’s impossible to brood when Justin Bieber is blasting in the upstairs guest room.

– Geoff Boucher and Alex Pham

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Art: Batman by Frank Miller (top) and Jim Lee (DC Comics).

Comments


6 Responses to Batman’s best tweets: ‘Watch out criminal scum, I’m trying to kick caffeine again…’

  1. The Joker says:

    Batman is Bruce Wayne? Now I can poop on his bed when he's not home. LMAO ;P

  2. VyperStryke says:

    These tweets are hilarious. Also check out @DRUNKHULK and @PMSWonderWoman on Twitter. Those are pretty funny too!

  3. Matt says:

    LOL!!! Also check out @legionsofgotham

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