Hero Complex contributor Jevon Phillips spends a lot of time surfing the Internet and pretending to work. Sometimes he comes across websites he likes. Here’s one of them:
HowtoBeatUpAnything.com. Just the name is funny, but the way this guy Kevin — a yellow belt in Tae Kwon Do — goes about explaining the ‘how’ is the reason the site is worth wasting some time on.
His latest is "How To Beat Up Daily Bugle Photographer Peter Parker." Here’s an excerpt from the post:
Um, approach him and sock him in the head with whatever you feel like throwing. He’ll crumble up and blow away just like that guy in the Charles Atlas ads said that other guy in the Charles Atlas ads would do. I honestly can’t imagine A SINGLE THING going wrong. You talk about your born losers, this guy is top o’ the list.
Other get-your-fight-on topics include ‘How To Beat Up a Guy Holding a Slice of Pizza,’ ‘How To Beat Up "The A-Team’s" B.A. Baracus,’ ‘How To Beat Up Olympian Michael Phelps,’ and one of my favorites, ‘How To Beat Up The Batman.’ An excerpt from that particular skirmish:
Let me ask you something, are you determined? Really truly single-minded in the pursuit of your goals? Cause that’s what it’s going to take to beat the Batman. The bad news is this process will take ten years. The good news is, at the end of those ten years, you’ll have taken out the $#%!@^ Batman. That’s a nice little detail to have on your resume.
I won’t tell you what the twist at the end is, but it made reading the whole post worthwhile. The real fight that Kevin seems to have is with the ticking clock — he really needs to post more.
— Jevon Phillips
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