Warp 11, as funny as Capt. Picard with a Tribble toupee

July 03, 2009 | 8:54 p.m.

I get a lot of interesting mail, like the “Sleestak in a Santa Claus hat” statue now perched next to my desk or the “Transformers” cupcakes that were delivered last week (and left a far better taste in my mouth than the movie itself).  A few days ago, I got a parcel with a CD from a “Star Trek” spoof band called Warp 11;  I decided to re-route it to the newsroom desk of Linda Whitmore, a copy editor with an intense passion for Starfleet and all of its ongoing missions. Here’s her report. — Geoff Boucher

Warp 11 b

Resistance is futile: Go ahead, try not to laugh. If you’re a fan of “Star Trek,” sex, booze and bawdy humor (and who isn’t?), you need to spool up “I Don’t Want to Go to Heaven as Long as They Have Vulcans in Hell,” the fifth studio album from rock band Warp 11. If you’re unfamiliar with the act, think of a Spinal Tap spirit and the best Starfleet music moments since the oh-so-groovy space hippies jammed in “The Way to Eden” episode of the original series.

On their new album, the highly anticipated follow-up to “It’s Dead Jim,” Warp 11 continues to mine the rich vein that is the “Star Trek” canon, with such tunes as “I Make It So” (the latest of a recurring theme; the band already had “Make It So” on their album “Suck My Spock Some More” and the equitable “She Make It So,” the opening track off the delicately titled “Boldly Go Down on Me”).

If Gene Roddenberry ever doubted that fans were listening, dissecting and memorizing dialogue, the man they called the Great Bird of the Galaxy would be thrilled (or aghast?) to hear Warp 11’s Capt. Karl Miller (lead vocals, guitar), take Federation techno-babble and turn it into sheer, um, poetry. Turn your tricoder on these lyrics:

“Red alert! My glass has gone dry/

You better beam me up

Another shot of “

No Kill I”/And while you’re at it

Please send me a yeoman or two/We’re gonna play a little game

Of Kobayashi Maru

I dont want to go to heaven as logn as there are vulcans in hell

This is some deep-space stuff. As a true fan, I have to say my Saurian brandy almost squirted out of my nose when Capt. Miller promises, “A thousand quatloos says I can make you scream.” (OK, for those of you “not of the body,” a quatloo is the monetary unit of Triskelion, where Kirk, Uhura and Chekov were pitted against … oh, never mind. As they say in comedy, if I have to explain it, it ain’t funny.

Literary “Trek” fans will experience true Ferengi oo-mox when they hear the song about sex with the empathic Betazoid. The title is unprintable here but here are some lyrics:

“What can I say? I can’t protest

I’m always thinking about her chest

And then I dropped a mental bomb

Because I thought about sex with her mom”

Warp 11 has performed at conventions and radio stations (primarily in  California), and their music has  been played by VH1, novelty maestro Dr. Demento and more than 65 radio stations.  The band is comprised of Miller, Brian Moore (vocals, guitars), Kiki Stockhammer (vocals, keyboards) and John Merlino (drums). The songwriting is straight-ahead rock and the musicianship is better than adequate. And beyond that, well, dammit Jim, I’m a sci-fi fan, not a music critic!

So tap a keg of vintage Romulan ale and put the Mugato out for the night. Dig into this album with the right spirit and I’m betting that by the time you get to “What Would William Shatner Do? you’ll be loving the chorus, every verse and most especially (wait…for…it…) the bridge.

– Linda Whitmore

RECENT AND RELATED

Chris Pine wall

Chris Pine takes command: “I am not William Shatner”

REVIEW: “Star Trek” star Chris Pine takes the stage in L.A.

VIDEO: “Star Trek” meets … Monty Python?

Leonard Nimoy: “Star Trek” fans can be scary

William Shatner: “It’s strange to say goodbye”

Simon Pegg: “I felt damn sexy” in Starfleet uniform

Boy of Summer: Anton Yelchin in “Trek” and “Terminator”

VIDEO: Trekkies blast new film for being “fun, watchable”

Warp 11 photos courtesy of the band. Chris Pine photo by Jay L. Clendenin / Los Angeles Times.

Comments


4 Responses to Warp 11, as funny as Capt. Picard with a Tribble toupee

  1. Sounds hilarious, I have to check them out!

  2. Cal Godot says:

    the "Transformers" cupcakes that were delivered last week (and left a far better taste in my mouth than the movie itself
    And yet this very blog has been a significant part of the hype machine for that movie, pushing people to see a movie that the critic(s) here didn't even like. Why no negative review here from the critic(s) who didn't like Transformers 2: Electric Boogaloo? It wouldn't do to offend the studio(s) or Michael Bay, now would it? Better to kiss the ring and ass of the maker(s) of crappy film(s) than provide unvarnished critical analysis or unbiased media coverage.

  3. Geoff Boucher says:

    Cal, This is the start of a post you might have missed?:
    Director Michael Bay has never been a critics' favorite, but the thrashing he received for “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” was the worst of his eight-film career.
    Reviewers ridiculed the new sequel about battling robots as "beyond bad" (Rolling Stone), "bewildering" and "sloppy" (the Village Voice) and "a great grinding garbage disposal of a movie" (the Detroit News).
    The early notices were so uniformly disapproving that after Bay's traditional opening-night dinner party at Beverly Hills' Mr. Chow, the 44-year-old director wondered aloud to executives at distributor Paramount Pictures about the possible impact of the drubbing. …

  4. Some American Citize says:

    Every song is a rip off of some band, be it AC/DC, Green Day, Rush, Pink Floyd, Police, Bob Marley, Queen, or Rage Against the Machine.
    I'll say – not bad, but nothing special.
    I'll bet Paramount might be interested in this venture though.

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